Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
