I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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