K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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