He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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