He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
