I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
