he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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