she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
