Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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