my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just had sex on a roof
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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