I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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