Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
