Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
