Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
