sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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