This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
