wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
this just has baby written all over it
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
