I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
