I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
