He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
