he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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