i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
