Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
