I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
is wine microwaveable?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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