I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
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