Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
