ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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