i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
