i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
