so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
