Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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