last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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