having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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