dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
