youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
