u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
