just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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