you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
