I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
