and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I love black thongs
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
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I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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