whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
