Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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