We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
