I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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