Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
