i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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