You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
