: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
