The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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