i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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