Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
