Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Randomize
