Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
