Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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