Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
