genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
