The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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