she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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