I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
