between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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