how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
