I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
