She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
