Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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