Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize