I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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