sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
