Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.