On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
