Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
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My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
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would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I wear drunk well.