I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?