He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.