i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
