I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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