Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
